I am becoming a new Flyleaf fan. Their new song, Again speaks so aptly into my life. They are Christians who have crossed over the secular/sacred divide. Ironically, I heard of them on my fave rock station and not a Contempoary Christian one. Reading postings about them and their songs shows that despite religious differences, people still are empty, lonely, and feel lost. They need something bigger than them. Something that transcends their broken reality. I think the song is from God's point of view.
Again by Flyleaf
I love the way that your heart breaks
with every injustice and deadly fate
Praying it all be new
and living like it all depends on you
Here you are down on your knees again
trying to find air to breathe again
Only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again
I love that you’re never satisfied
with face value wisdom and happy lies
you take what they say and go back and cry
you’re so close to me that you nearly died
Here you are down on your knees again
trying to find air to breathe again
Only surrender will help you now
I love you please see and believe again
they don’t have to understand you
be still
wait and know I understand you
be still
be still
Here you are down on your knees again
trying to find air to breathe again
Only surrender will help you now
The floodgates are breaking
and pouring out
Here you are down on your knees
trying to find air to breathe
right where I want you to be again
i love you please see and believe again
Here you are down on your knees again
trying to find air to breathe again
Right where I want you to be again
See and believe!
From their CD Memento Mori
Prayer and surrendering to God has helped me when nothing made sense. When I tried to control things or made things happen on my own. Surrender is hard. But, sometimes, it's the only thing.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Been Away
I’ve been away. There is no excuse in the blogosphere for not posting unless it’s something major – illness, other life issues, etc. Nothing to that extreme. Well, I guess it is. Fellow writers can understand. The malady is called writer’s block. Plus singleness fatigue. There was a point that I got tired of writing about being single. And, bemoaning the fact that I was never a bride, always a bridesmate or at least wedding attendee. Now, it’s never a mom, always the friend to little kids. Dogs especially love me too. I have this fear that I will be the eccentric single woman with the large collection of dogs – various kinds, shapes, and sizes, keeping me company. Offering a needed companionship. So, I stopped writing about it so I wouldn’t seem like the snarky singleton that didn’t enjoy the blessings of her life. I needed a breather, a hiatus, a sabbatical from the blog so I could reflect without the pressure of writing it down. I haven’t stopped writing. My journal is full of many entries. Sometimes a lot of emotional rambling. But, hey, that’s what is for. Much cheaper than therapy. It also gave me time to reflect on my spiritual journey as well. It’s hard to believe that it was 12 years ago that I became a Christian. Where I was the evangelical poster child of new converts – eager to serve in church, buying tons of Christian music and book, touting the beliefs of conservative fundamentalism in order to fit into my new tribe. But, life has a way of turning you inside out and disappointing you left and right. As my evangelical friends enjoyed God’s blessings of spouse, child, beauty, money, and popularity of fitting in the church cliques, I was still the wayward girl who didn’t grow up that way. Who had befriended the outsider and the discarded because in many ways I related to them. Jesus Christ became real to me because he did the same thing. He defied the religious elite by hobnobbing with the unpopular, the sinners. Yet, every year as I got more “Christian”, I forgot about that. I no longer recognized myself in the effort to fit in the new group. I denied myself – the quirky, creative, sometimes out of the box thinker who saw the world differently. I was once on other side of fence and didn’t see it as evil. Still don’t. So, in the past few years, I have embraced that girl again which means it redefines my spiritual journey as well. I’ve been reading Brennan Manning, Anne Lamott, and Madeleine L’Engle and focusing on the mystery of God. A lot of things have happened in 12 years that have been difficult. It has shown me that God is mysterious and sometimes not understandable. It’s hard for me to be around people who know all the answers and know what God is up too. My faith isn’t like that. It’s been a long and winding road that I used to be ashamed of. Thinking that it made me less Christian. But, without doubt and questioning, my faith doesn’t grow. Both are needed. I have accepted this and it has taken me on a new spiritual exploration. I will keep you posted of my wanderings.
So, all this to say, is that I’m back. Ready to post again and share as honestly as possible. And, by the way, I’ve started kickboxing. Not the turbo gym kind. But, the gloves and heavy bags kind. Got in touch with my inner fighter chick. And, she is ready to kick to some butt. Probably will scare most single guys. But, I know there are some out there who are secure in the masculinity (hey, my instructor’s wife is a kickboxer and a mom).
So, all this to say, is that I’m back. Ready to post again and share as honestly as possible. And, by the way, I’ve started kickboxing. Not the turbo gym kind. But, the gloves and heavy bags kind. Got in touch with my inner fighter chick. And, she is ready to kick to some butt. Probably will scare most single guys. But, I know there are some out there who are secure in the masculinity (hey, my instructor’s wife is a kickboxer and a mom).
Friday, June 26, 2009
Michael Jackson is dead at the age of 50
Michael Jackson’s death was a shock to me. I heard it on the radio yesterday driving to a friend’s house for dinner. I had to call my mom to see if I heard the news correctly. Like Elvis’ death, you will remember where you were when you heard the news. Since his career has spanned nearly five decades, his music has impacted you on some level regardless of age, race, or gender. I was part of his solo career era with the albums Off the Wall, Thriller, and Bad. As a teenager of the 80’s, I remember being blown away by the Billie Jean and Thriller videos. He changed the music landscape forever. Those iconic songs and videos have made a lasting mark in pop culture history. He influenced so many. Like one music commentator said last night, without Michael Jackson, there would be no Justin Timberlake.
Michael Jackson broke racial and cultural barriers. Seeing a lot of the mourners from around the world shows how music can be bridge by bringing communities together. I enjoyed seeing the celebration amongst the tears. The dancing in the streets, the moon walking, the attempts to do his signature dance moves, and the Soul Train line down 125th street near the Apollo Theatre in Harlem.
His death marks the end of era. Despite all of his bizarre issues and brushes with the law, he was legendary. And, will continue to be long after.
Michael, we can never say goodbye to you.
Michael Jackson broke racial and cultural barriers. Seeing a lot of the mourners from around the world shows how music can be bridge by bringing communities together. I enjoyed seeing the celebration amongst the tears. The dancing in the streets, the moon walking, the attempts to do his signature dance moves, and the Soul Train line down 125th street near the Apollo Theatre in Harlem.
His death marks the end of era. Despite all of his bizarre issues and brushes with the law, he was legendary. And, will continue to be long after.
Michael, we can never say goodbye to you.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
What Movies Teach You About Life
Here is a post from Surviving Dating.com about what movies teach us. It's funny.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
All women running away from a psychopathic axe murder, vampire, zombie or monster of some sort will fall down.
Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people – whether they are employed or not.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to become prostitutes or welders.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Radiation causes interesting mutations – not to your future children but to you, right there and then.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
To be a German Army General, it is not necessary to speak German, but it IS necessary to speak English with a German accent.
When in a war, don’t show anyone a picture of your girlfriend, or you will be killed shortly, especially if she is beautiful.
If anyone relaxes next to a large window, they are sure to be thrown out of it shortly.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
All women running away from a psychopathic axe murder, vampire, zombie or monster of some sort will fall down.
Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people – whether they are employed or not.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb don’t worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.
Extremely beautiful and intelligent women are likely to become prostitutes or welders.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts – your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Radiation causes interesting mutations – not to your future children but to you, right there and then.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
To be a German Army General, it is not necessary to speak German, but it IS necessary to speak English with a German accent.
When in a war, don’t show anyone a picture of your girlfriend, or you will be killed shortly, especially if she is beautiful.
If anyone relaxes next to a large window, they are sure to be thrown out of it shortly.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Adam Lambert Was Robbed But Still A Rock God
Adam Lambert was robbed. But, I wasn’t surprised. America wasn’t ready for a confident rock god who wears guy liner and black nail polish to be the idol winner. The demographics of the show prove that safe wins over talent. Vanilla ice cream over 31 flavors. It can be hard to step out of your comfort zone to support someone who doesn’t look like you. But, when amazing talent gets penalized because of the package it comes in makes you wonder. Don’t get me wrong. Kris Allen is a good singer. But, mediocre and unforgettable. If he is smart, he will go the country pop route of Keith Urban. Kris would be able to carry the Idol momentum and get fans who didn’t watch the show. If he goes the pop route of a John Mayer, his career will fizzle because he doesn’t have the same talent.
It’s a blessing in disguise that Adam didn’t win. He doesn’t have to sing that awful “No Boundaries” song and will have more artistic and creative freedom. I will not be surprised to see him on the Broadway stage, touring around the world, and filling in for bands like Queen (he can fill the late Freddie Mercury’s shoes as he proved in the finale). Adam will outshine Kris. He doesn’t need the title to prove that he will be iconic and legendary. Even if you didn’t like Adam, you will never forget him.
I disagree with some of the comments that it was the Christians whose homophobia kept Adam from winning. It wasn’t just the Christians who didn’t vote for Adam. Yes, Kris and Danny Gokey are Christians and open about their beliefs. And, probably a lot of Christians voted for the both of them (the voted off Danny fans most likely voted for Kris). But, I am a Christian and I totally supported Adam Lambert from day one. Even at his auditions. I don’t believe in voting for someone just because he or she is a Christian. Adam’s talent won me over. What it says to me is that we Christians will accept mediocrity in order to show solidarity. Instead, we should be promoting high quality and excellence based on the talents that God has given. God doesn’t like mediocre. So, why should we? According to the Huffington Post, Kris Allen said earlier this week that he hoped the outcome wouldn't be decided by "having the Christian vote." Allen said, "I hope it has to do with your talent and the performance that you give and the package that you have. It's not about religion and all that kind of stuff."
As the Adam fans lick their wounds today and beyond, we will still support him. Kris Allen will have a Taylor Hicks career. Last night was a season two Ruben/Clay moment where in the end Clay Aiken got more media attention and platinum record sales than the idol winner Ruben. America can get it wrong. I appreciate Simon not standing up and clapping when Kris won. I love his candor and non PCness.
My favorite blog post of today was “Kris won American Idol. Adam won the world.” It’s so true.
It’s a blessing in disguise that Adam didn’t win. He doesn’t have to sing that awful “No Boundaries” song and will have more artistic and creative freedom. I will not be surprised to see him on the Broadway stage, touring around the world, and filling in for bands like Queen (he can fill the late Freddie Mercury’s shoes as he proved in the finale). Adam will outshine Kris. He doesn’t need the title to prove that he will be iconic and legendary. Even if you didn’t like Adam, you will never forget him.
I disagree with some of the comments that it was the Christians whose homophobia kept Adam from winning. It wasn’t just the Christians who didn’t vote for Adam. Yes, Kris and Danny Gokey are Christians and open about their beliefs. And, probably a lot of Christians voted for the both of them (the voted off Danny fans most likely voted for Kris). But, I am a Christian and I totally supported Adam Lambert from day one. Even at his auditions. I don’t believe in voting for someone just because he or she is a Christian. Adam’s talent won me over. What it says to me is that we Christians will accept mediocrity in order to show solidarity. Instead, we should be promoting high quality and excellence based on the talents that God has given. God doesn’t like mediocre. So, why should we? According to the Huffington Post, Kris Allen said earlier this week that he hoped the outcome wouldn't be decided by "having the Christian vote." Allen said, "I hope it has to do with your talent and the performance that you give and the package that you have. It's not about religion and all that kind of stuff."
As the Adam fans lick their wounds today and beyond, we will still support him. Kris Allen will have a Taylor Hicks career. Last night was a season two Ruben/Clay moment where in the end Clay Aiken got more media attention and platinum record sales than the idol winner Ruben. America can get it wrong. I appreciate Simon not standing up and clapping when Kris won. I love his candor and non PCness.
My favorite blog post of today was “Kris won American Idol. Adam won the world.” It’s so true.
Monday, May 04, 2009
Finding God as an Adult
A new Pew study has found that some children who grew up without an unaffiliated religion chose to follow a religion as an adult. I am one of those statistics. I chose Protestant Christianity at the age of 27. Eleven years ago, I was searching for something beyond just facts and intellect. I shied away from Christianity because I thought it was made up of non-thinking people who went on feelings. But, as I encountered Jesus Christ, I found it wasn't true.
Over time, I have learned that the church and Christians are not perfect. By no means am I. I stumble and fall but I also know God's grace and his forgiveness. There is a movement now by some athetists who want blame the world's problems on religion. And, ignore the good that religion has done. It's easier to blame than to solve. You don't stop buying bread and going to the bread store if you got bought a moldly loaf. You accept that there are imperfections.
I'm grateful for my conversion. I don't regret it. There were times I wanted to walk away. I thought it would be easier. But, I couldn't walk away from God. He is the only stable and consitent thing in this crazy world.
Over time, I have learned that the church and Christians are not perfect. By no means am I. I stumble and fall but I also know God's grace and his forgiveness. There is a movement now by some athetists who want blame the world's problems on religion. And, ignore the good that religion has done. It's easier to blame than to solve. You don't stop buying bread and going to the bread store if you got bought a moldly loaf. You accept that there are imperfections.
I'm grateful for my conversion. I don't regret it. There were times I wanted to walk away. I thought it would be easier. But, I couldn't walk away from God. He is the only stable and consitent thing in this crazy world.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
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