Coming Out of Retirement

I’m Brett Favre and coming out of retirement. I will be writing about singleness again. The burn out was so great that the mention of the S word caused the angry bitter woman to rear her ugly head. But, now after life changing surgery in August where it made me not able to have biological children, I had time to reflect what it means to be single, never married, no kids, and 40 years old. First time, I’m finally finding peace. Before surgery and most of my 30s, I sought out the husband because my biological window to get pregnant was closing. It became my mission to find “him” and I went on many online dates trying to find the “one”. But, it didn’t happen. Three broken relationships and no ring on my finger. I had to make a decision two years ago to move forward with surgery because my health was getting impacted.

After surgery, I thought I would be depressed. But, I feel free and healthier. It is amazing how long we put up with feeling bad physically. I did it because I was holding out hope that God would answer the prayer of marriage and family. Yet, it didn’t happen and I had to move forward. Now, when I hear pregnancy announcements and discussions about nurseries, I’m actually happy for these women. Before, I struggled with their joy because I was jealous of their experience. But, the surgery made me get very honest with myself and peel back the layers to see if I wanted really wanted to have baby or not. Honestly, if I wanted a baby, I could have been a single mother. Yet, I grew up in a single parent home and so did some of my cousins. I saw how hard it was to raise children alone even with the help of family. I’m not belittling the choices of my family members. They are good mothers. But, it is not the choice for me. I want the husband to help raise the children. Now, that I can’t have them biologically, I don’t feel the pressure anymore. My grandmother said a few weeks ago that I could adopt a baby. I said no, my view hasn’t change. No single motherhood for me.

Now that I’m healthier, I’m enjoying my single life. I’m reliving my 20s. Two weekends ago, I went to see Journey, Night Ranger, and Foreigner. I couldn’t have done this in my twenties because I wouldn’t have had the money. I have the disposable income to go to concerts, travel, buy presents for cousins, do things with friends, etc. I know I wouldn’t have been able to do things being married and having a family.

I don’t know what God has in store for my life. Marriage could still happen. A family could still happen by being someone’s step mother (step grandmother even!) But, my life won’t be less than if it doesn’t happen. I believe I finally smothered the angry bitter single woman. Being single can be hard sometimes. But, so is being married. So is being human. Marital status doesn’t make us exempt from difficulties just as being single doesn’t keep from being blessed and love. Love goes beyond just a spouse. Love from family, friends, and God fills in that gap.